The Reluctant Parent...

My partner keeps saying “I can’t believe you never wanted Madeline.”

That is not exactly right.  It was parenthood I wasn’t keen on.  Madeline didn't exist at the time.  I was deeply concerned about the loss of freedoms and travel plans, the commitment, the financial burdens, the commitment, the sheer amount of work…

The commitment… ;-)

…and then along came Madeline.  This crying, shitting, sleeping thing took from me my freedom, my money, my partner, my exercise and fitness, my sleep.  I could not even eat or take a dump without planning ahead, FFS! 

In return for what?

Nothing as far as I could see – except the chance to change crap filled nappies, be faced with endless chores and never sleep a solid 6 hours…

I was pretty depressed.  For the first few months I didn’t show photos of her unless people specifically asked.  Only took a few – the necessary ones for recording purposes.  It worried and upset her Mum.  Not happy times.

Some 4 to 5 months later it all changed rather quickly.  Madeline became more interactive.  She recognised me as someone of significance (up until then her world had been divided into Mum and Everyone Else).  She smiled when she saw me.

After that genetics kicked in and I rapidly became a proud, doting Dad.  In all honesty it came as an immense relief...

It is apparently a pretty common story among new fathers.  I have heard tales of men who wanted nothing to do with their children for a year or two.  One guy I spoke to said his kids only became interesting once they could talk.

I guess for the longest time men traditionally stayed out of the whole birthing and baby-rearing process – instead heading straight out to hunt down the next mammoth, fight the next Crusade or coordinate the next corporate takeover.  This whole business of getting intimately involved with nappies, breast-pumps and ironing is a bit new.  I’m sure we can adjust.

The things I lost are still gone, and I miss them – but one thing I was never prepared for was the absurd amount of joy a gorgeous, giggling little toddler can bring.   I love to be with her, watch her learn, protect her when we are out, fly her around the house in a washing basket and send her off to sleep with tales of adventures in faraway places.  I am quite prepared to wash more dishes, iron more clothes, clean up toys and food and vomits and so on in return.

Note I said "prepared", not "love to".  I'm not completely insane.

But there are myriad little joys to ease the pain of anything lost – and to be honest many of those losses are temporary anyway – I’ll get them back as my little girl gets older and more independent.

So to those of you who do not want children or who are not sure, don’t let anyone pressure you into it.  People may say “Oh you don’t know what you are missing!”- but that is exactly true.  You don’t know so you won’t miss it.  Most people have enough children among their families and friends to get dosed up on.  Fill your life with the multitude of alternatives out there and there will be no cause for regret, even in old age.

To those who think they might but are hesitating – or find yourself with no choice – don’t fear too much.  Yes, you will lose a lot of things and you had best be prepared for that.

...but little boys and girls have a way of changing you, and what they offer will easily make up for the loss if you let it.  My little Princess has given me a depth of joy I had not thought possible and is offering me the chance to become a better man.

Generous little tyke…